Sigh.

I missed yesterday. Not surprised really. I didn't have a good day. When the only thing you seem to be able to focus on is Billy the Exterminator for 2 hours straight watching him catch the same stuff over and over, "like" a bazillion things on Facebook, spend an hour compulsively going through status shuffle to see what else there is, and still feel like a crazy person when you know you're not. Yeah. The day before I went out twice (big mistake), yesterday I went to the library with my parents and was having a lot of trouble, my hood went up and I hid & ran away from people. I just can't wait until I'm myself again. This is not me, I hate this so much. I know my brain is broken and I'm working on fixing it, but it still is so frustrating not to be able to do the stuff I want to do, or focus on anything real and useful, or leave the house when there's people around. I even noticed how I walk differently right now. I have to remind myself not to push myself too much or think I'm better than I am due to the medication side effects. I'm not better, not by a long shot. I'm not trying to keep myself down either, just realistic that I can't be better in 5 days. I don't think I have been this bad before, well the depression part was worse, but I never had my brain snap like this before, been close but never there. Although I am sleeping longer now. Instead of 4 hours or 5 before I wake up it's 7. I still try and sneak more sleep in, I'm always tired right now too.

On a cute note, my cat Patra likes to ask me for milk. Ok she never leaves me alone in the kitchen and the way she meows sounds like milk. So I asked her "What? What do you want?" "Maow!" "You want milk?" "Maow!" "I don't have any, see? Where is it?" "Maow!" *rubs my ankles* "Show me where it is." She goes over to the fridge on the side where it opens and sits down and looks at me. She's done this twice and only goes to the fridge when I tell her to show me where it is, she doesn't respond to asking where it is. It's pretty funny.

Ok, that's it for the moment. Moce.