Yup, I still can't go into where I work even off duty without freaking out. I tried just to pick up a pay stub, kind of testing the waters, and was freaking out. No way am I ready to go back for work, that will be so much worse. I still feel down, even though there are good things, like meteors that I finally saw (which reminded me that He's not forgotten about me even if it feels like it--He having to do with my belief system, not a person) and the fact that I can pay my bills this month in spite of not getting payed and not working due to stat pay for one day during my off days. I feel defeated. Like no matter what I do or what is good it just doesn't help. It's (again, a very over used yet accurate word for me) so frustrating. So off I go outside to sit in the sun and just try and relax.
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