Stand By Me

http://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahjewell/historical-women-who-gave-no-fcks?s=mobile

Ok so that is the article I mentioned on Facebook. I said I should take some lessons from them on not giving a f***. I feel perhaps some clarification is in order.

So as it was pointed out to me, growth is good but unless you have accepted yourself as a person, for who you are at that moment and as God made you, then is it really growth or trying to please some ideal or people? It comes back to, still, task based approval or true growth as a person.

So I know at the moment I should be focused on my current tasks of practical application. It occured to me that how I view myself directly relates to how I view directing. Until I reconcile the one I can't be better at the other. If I am not accepting of myself and confident in who I am as a child of God, how can I be a confident director? I'll always question my sanity for wanting to be a director and question my directorial decisions, but at least it will be going boldly. Oh golly. Flashbacks to a Comic Expo chat with Gates McFadden. In everything go boldly, it doesn't matter what it is. Well, I needed that right now. Hopefully some of you did as well.

So back to the initial growth thing and not giving a f***. I still, for reasons I may not have figured out yet, feel like I'm wrestling with task based things making me a good person or better person. It's wrong. It is so the wrong way to view things. What you do doesn't make you a good person. It is not your identity. What your heart is on the inside is what makes you a good person or not. What God made you to do and be is what makes you who you are. Not some random approval based on someone else's standards. I know this but I don't always act on it properly. If your heart is right and you know who you are in God, all other things will flow from that and it still doesn't matter if people approve, or your church approves. Who cares if you chase lizards or like playing tackle sports. Who cares if you have the most perfect co-ordinated outfit in the room. If you put your (or someone elses) identity and value in those things then perhaps you need to look at yourself long and hard.

So today (since this one has been 2 days in the writing) the pastor was talking about rest and resting in God. Also making a spot on your calendar for your priorities. Good stuff. I was trying to think of the one word I would put on my calendar. I still have no idea, but it was a good sermon and I'll come up with a word later.

In conclusion. I now choose not to let external forces dictate who I am or how I feel about things. I have no f***s to give to what people think or how I should come across or what society thinks is the standard I should live up to. I have only a certain amout of energy and I can't waste it on that. It will suck the life out of me. I will grow. I will finally accept who I am and it will not be task based. That will no longer control me. God made me the way I am and He loves me how He made me. I will keep seeking Him and doing what He asks and I will be confident in it knowing that He put me there for a reason and I can do it with Him.

Ok, peace out.