So what happens after you have a breakthrough? Usually a slap back, that's what. Something fighting to keep you in the status quo. I knew it was coming, I've felt crap for awhile and the big bad wolf is knocking on my door. I thought I was feeling better, but those were just moments of awesome as opposed to actual doing better. I was over-caffeinating myself on tea or whatever I could get my hands on that was liquid caffeine (but not coffee). Then the anxiety skyrocketed. I want to function normally. I want to not feel off my rocker crazy. I want to have a proper life that isn't a daily fight to do anything. I can hardly watch my own film footage because it's heavy. Yet the only thing I can think to pitch on Friday is serious again. Not as heavy though. So I lie here and question everything I think about my life. I lie to myself and the world every day that I'm "happy" or "fully functional". I'm not. Today I wanted to take a mental health day and go to bed as I was feeling like everything was out of control. I didn't, I just went for short walks from the office. It's worse when I'm in my head and I get pulled out suddenly. I'm an introvert, my brain paths are long and winding to get where they are going to begin with. Blargh. Again, I'm not stopping fighting. I'm just tired of fighting at the moment.
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