Say Anything...

Today has been interesting. I feel like I'm falling behind at school, but I'm not. That's ok though as in the film industry you are either always running behind or feel like you are always running behind.

I had my birthday here in Oz. It was nice and quiet, just how I like it. I'm not introverted at all, ha ha ha. We had a film history workshop, which was fantastic. Then I realized none of my classmates could have seen the awesomeness of Jurrasic Park in the theatre. It made me sad that they didn't get to experience it that way. No really, I tried to describe it and failed at it, lol.

I did have a fall down yesterday (the 29th here). I slipped on the carpet and landed hard. I smacked my head and wrenched my back a bit. On the good side once my back cracked it stopped having spasms. On the bad side my neck and head still hurt. Currently I'm lying down to give my neck a break from holding up my fat head (hahahaha, subtext intended). I haven't missed any school from it. There's a cold or something going around the base. There's been a few people stuck in bed for a couple of days.

This morning we got a bit of info on what the internship entails. It just makes me so excited for it. I want to be a part of what they are doing here and the next feature they are filming. It feels right. I'm still praying about it. Film is all I want to do.

So I'm signing off. The head is a tad unhappy with me looking at the screen. Also I have greenlight work to finish, cleaning duties, and food to eat soon. Love you all. Don't forget, if you can help out at all financially so I can stay please let me know. Thanks everyone.

Oops.

Screwed up the link and I'm on my phone. Try this one. http://www.gofundme.com/cpqojg

True Grit

Grit is what it takes to power through. Late nights, all nighters, rewrites, reshoots, homework, getting up in front of people, directing and pulling everything together. If you don't have it you can't do what is required to get this done and done right. That's my current take on it.

Currently things are awesome and chaotic. I have the overnight editing hours. Tonight is an 11 hour marathon. Hopefully I finish my first film during that time and I can focus on other homework. Like tightening up the final project script. I hope it manages to do everything it's supposed to. I was so surprised my pitch got picked. The stunned look must have been hilarious. It just goes to show how far I've come in this journey to become a filmmaker. Ha, I forgot I didn't post the blog about the final projects yet. There are 2 final projects, mine is one, and the topic is a hard one that has to be done right. We are holding auditions on Monday for the roles. I hope it falls into place well.

This leads to the internship questions. I still haven't heard details yet, however I still feel like it's what I'm supposed to do after. That being said if anyone is willing to pledge support (it's obviously unpaid internship) so I can stay, actually leave the country first then come back and stay, that would be amazing. I have started a fundraising page at GoFundMe. I'm not good at fundraising. I'm at the place where it needs to be done though. This is the link for my campaign: http://www.gofundme.com/cpqojg

I can't think of another way to do this at the moment. Being already overseas also makes it hard to do in person. Any support in any form is most appreciated, be it prayers or donations.

Back to story and writing, this week has been advanced writing and character development. Our instructor actually lives in a town 3 hours drive from my town back home. Ha ha. It's been good. He was talking about theme and our current projects, what the theme of them is. I thought mine was freedom, I can see how I would think that. I was wrong. Once again it's love. Interesting. I'm hoping this weekend's draft will be the last one as well. Especially now that is sorted out and some of the stuff taught this week is in my brain.

Well, I had better nap before dinner so I can have more than 5 hours sleep before tonight's marathon. :D

Love you all and thanks for all your support in any and every form it comes in.

I'm Ready For My Close Up...

Heh heh, yeah. I don't mean physical close up, I mean internal soul baring. Next part of growing pains really. Although there is no way to prepare for that, you just have to let it happen. I've never been good at intimacy, even with friends. I still have trouble looking at people while conversing. Not because I don't care about them or what they are saying, but because of the crushing discomfort and unease inside me. I can choose to keep going like that or I can choose to overcome it and the root causes that have me so on edge.

Choices. Everything in life is a choice whether we think it is or not. You choose how to behave based on what you've been taught and your past circumstances. You choose based on what you want, feel, etc. I didn't choose to have clinical depression (that's physical) but I can choose how to deal with it and, as difficult as it is, how much of my life I let it control (I let it control me too long). I choose whether I go alone or let God guide me in life.

As a director you are responsible for everything that happens on your set. Mistakes, bad choices, good choices, things left behind. If someone leaves something behind it is still on you to have made sure it was loaded up. It's a crappy position to be in sometimes, but there has to be a centre that all the parts connect to that keeps the filmmaking machine working.

Mistakes happen, bad choices happen. Taking responsibility for it and owning it is massive. I screwed up today. I felt sick thinking "Oh no. I'm in big trouble." I came back and immediately took responsibility for it. It didn't matter who else was involved, I made the decision and I had to own that. There is a power in owning your decisions and mistakes. The circumstances don't control you if you own it and deal with it. Will there be consequences? Absolutely. There always should be if needed. As long as you learn feom the mistakes and strive not to do them again. Who do you respect more, one who owns their mistakes and admits it or one who covers it up and tries to pass it off on someone else?

It takes a strong person to buck up and face the music. May we all be that person.

Yes, I wrote love on my arms in multiple languages instead of having a panic attack.

Adventures in Filmmaking

So we had just finished shooting week and we got hit with a 48 hour film blitz. Basic summary: we are given certain criteria and have to make a short film around those criteria in 48 hours, including editing, to be judged. Unfortunately our film didn't finish exporting until it was too late, even if it started exporting on time. We weren't disqualified, I thought we would be, but we did get docked 10 points. So for the results before the details of the experience: 49 for us, 53 for them final score. Including the docked 10 points. Yep. The thing was we cared more about making a film we were proud of and happy with than winning. We said that before we were exporting. In the end that was how we felt so the win/loss was not important to us. We were proud of it. On to the experience...

Fortunately I got 9 hours of sleep to sort of make up for the lack over the previous few days (last night I got 10). We went to the classroom and were informed about it. We weren't given any information, just who was on our team, and told to go do homework, get the roles sorted for the film, or whatever until 6:30 pm when we'd meet again and get the info. We had a book report due the next day (I did Making Movies by Sidney Lumet, I highly recommend it) so I went to the park across the street for some restful introvert time post meeting to finish the book. I had finished and emailed it by 5:30 pm. So back to the meeting. We had to decide roles and Lindsey wanted to do it where we all prayed about who should fill each roll and the write the name down and see what happens. We could write our own name down if we felt God was saying to, I didn't though. So we did that after everyone was interested in pretty much everything, ha ha. First up was director. Names were written and we had a tie of one vote each until the last name was pulled out. So with 2 votes to 5 other individual names I became director. My director of photography/cameraman was our staff member William, our other staff member on the team was Josias and he became 1st assistant director. Helene was sound, Lindsey was script supervisor, Brie was 1st assistant camera. Emma was our actress. We ended up getting an actor from outside the school to be in it as well named Wendy Spencer. She has done a lot of work over the last 30+ years in acting. A few of us were feeling a tad of surrealism over it.

So 7 pm came and we got our info. We started throwing around ideas right away and rather quickly came up with a story. By 1 am we had a script and Wendy cast. We went to sleep and were back at it by 6 am to find/make props and costumes and find locations. The rest of the crew went over the script as well so they knew what we were shooting for. I went over rehearsals with the actors and felt good about it. So we went to set...a forest...with lots of spiders. We filmed the whole dialogue scene from a few different angles. Josias and I were the spider finders and removers. I used a stick and he flung them at us. One bounced off my arm and I screamed. We stayed at that location until sunset so we could film Emma walking through the trees at golden hour. William was an amazing DoP. We had worked out the angles etc and he set up some great shots. He used the glide cam to film Emma walking. I went ahead with a stick and cleared out the webs and spiders. I told them to follow my path exactly. Lol. Good times.

After we got back Josias started editing that scene and the rest of us got the props together to go film the "cave" scenes. We filmed under a house light by candles and the glowing elixir that was glow sticks cut open and dumped in a bottle. It was epic.

3 or 4 hours after we finished and we went to sleep it was time to get up and go back to the forest to film more tramping around at sunrise. When we got back from that I passed out asleep on a couch and snored like a chainsaw. After I woke up from that (an hour later) there was more editing and we went to film a timelapse (which didn't make it into the final cut). We also filmed some flashback scenes but those didn't make it either. Then it came down to editing sound and colour. We submitted the version with no colour correction and we will be able to clean it up more for the premier night (aka grad).

Yep. That was an awesome experience and I loved it. I can really do this. Yes!

I Shall Believe

Wow, I hate growing pains. Character ones are the hardest but last for a long time, hopefully forever. Today (Oct 10) I got my locations, just as I was literally going to find another way (aka make another phone call) the last location came through. I spent 2 hours working on the schedule for that only to learn I will have to rearrange it again. I also forgot to take my meds today. Whoops. This post will be erratic, you've been warned. Also I've hit a little bit of paranoia, yeah. Stupid MI. I did change my...I forget. We started filming (on a break now) for one of the projects and I lost my spiral train of thought.

Back to the growing pains. Yeah, they suck and you never out grow them. They are for the best and you have to push through and let them do what they are supposed to do. Especially the God given ones. I know it sucks and I tend to freak out a bit during the process, but it will be worth it in the end. Especially since it's God given and will make me more the person He intends me to be. I am going to do this. I'm here because He wants me to be. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't what I was supposed to be doing. This will happen, it will get done and freaking out will not help, it will just make things worse. Sometimes I don't believe in myself, but the more I do this school the more I realize that I can do this. It used to surprise me that others thought I could do it. I got that knocked out of me (thanks, Proby). I appreciate the support everyone back home and here have given me. Now that I've finished filming I really believe I can do it.

Tonight (Oct 13) we start a 48 hour film blitz. We have 48 hours to write, film, and edit a short film. Yay! I'm stoked for it. I managed to sleep last night for at least 9 hours, which is better than the previous 3 nights combined.

So I really love being on set. No matter how tired I am I love it. It feels like there is no place else I want to be. So that leads in to what next. There are 2 internships, one almost right after school for 3 months and another in May for 3 months that involves a feature film set. I want to do both. It feels like I'm supposed to do both. So if everyone could pray about whether I am to do it or not, and that the money to live off of, and leave the country and return when I have to, would be provided if I am to do said internships, that would be awesome. I need to talk to the staff about it yet. I have to go to a meeting. More later.

One Way Or Another

Kookaburras and cockatoos were on the photo menu today. I got a few great shots, too bad they are on my camera. Said camera is a tad damaged. I guess that's God's way of telling me I need to save up for a DSLR for photos and filmmaking. ;) Or I could just think that to make myself feel better.

So for the first project I was assitant camera, the next one I was/am the gaffer and grip (aka I get to play with the lights and set those up as well as any special camera rigs, and glorified cord wrangler), the one we are starting today I get to be the sound mixer. Yay!

As for my project, it's like it's up against a brick wall that will not give way. My current label for that wall is location owners. I'm just not hearing back from them. I'll just have to keep doing what I can and try more places I guess. It's harder to do during shooting week that's for sure. Although having time to work on it while waiting for others to be greenlit is kind of helpful. I'm still questioning myself, especially since internship was brought up today. Especially since it is on the list of things I'm shooting for with this.

A few days of shooting later and I still love being on set. I try to focus on just that when I'm on set. Last night I failed at that for a moment or 2. The thing about our staff is when they talk about issues/problems I need to deal with I don't get defensive or angry. I've been agreeing with them. I love our staff, I really do.

Today the final pieces must fall into place. Push time with a long day/night of filming ahead.

Fear is the Mind Killer

So it's 2 days to shooting week, I feel sick (stupid food allergies) and have a greenlight binder to do. The good news is my script is printed. I actually have a hard copy and that feeling is pretty awesome. This week has been learning about directing actors, aka what exactly a director does, and more than just myself are questioning ourselves about if we really can do it. Especially when we're this tired. Every day I expect the fatigue to catch up and I expect to collapse in a heap of unable to move. Every day I plow through. We are nearly half done. My body is screaming "is it over yet?!" and my mind and soul are screaming "Noooo!!! I don't want to be done!" Ha ha, I feel like a masochist. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do and it will be worth every second of exhaustion, pain (seriously, 10 kg sandbags and more than one being carried at a time, good thing I worked in produce), doubt, fear, tear that hasn't leaked out yet.

We need to remember why we are doing this and who we are doing this for. It's not about us, it's not in our strength alone. Fear is not an option, self doubt is not an option.

On that note I have some greenlight work to finish.