How I spent Christmas...

I guess I didn't really spend it in a very celebratory way. I lay on the couch and watched a few very horrible movies. Partly because we did most of our celebrating the day before, the presents and the service. Partly because my sister's large dog kinda cracked my nose with her head. It hurt lots and so I didn't feel like moving on Christmas Day. We did have a dinner, which I wore my pj's for (best way to be, in warm fuzzy pj's). Yeah, nothing big happened. I did get an awesome present that I totally wanted, Jabba's sail barge Lego set. Woo hoo! Can't go wrong with Star Wars Lego. Yeah, I think I have a bit of a Peter Pan complex, I just don't wanna grow up. No where near as bad as Michael Jackson though. Haha. On that note, I will sign off and say I hope you all had an awesome Christmas and have an awesome New Year. Hopefully I will get to make a trip south in a couple on months for a visit. Moce vinaka.

Wow, been so long...

Hey one and all. Well, things have gotten interesting here. I am working nearly everyday of the week, ok today I have off and last week (for the first time in a long time) I had 2 days off in a row. Things are crazy at both jobs, the incompetent one at the lab really messed things up after I left on Saturday (I was there for 7 1/2 hours and had to go to my next job for 6 1/2 hours with 1/2 hour in between). So I got a little talking to. Then the incompetent one at the video store didn't show up at all and the store was closed til 2:30 ish (supposed to be open at 10). Didn't phone to say she wasn't gonna make it until the last minute. So she's been sacked now, she wasn't remorseful and didn't see that she did anything wrong. She was sick and at the hospital, which is understandable, but it was how she went about everything else that was wrong (but she doesn't think it was wrong). She knew on Friday the other girl had an appointment at 8 and she left her there alone anyways and never went back, so the one with the appointment called me to go in for a couple of hours to close (I was in the middle of the family Christmas). Then Saturday happenend. Sunday I covered an extra hour so the covering girl (who wasn't even technically working there) wouldn't miss her train. Then she was suppossed to go in and talk to the boss on Monday, she went in Tuesday and still didn't see what she did wrong. So yeah, she's sacked. That's it for here. Hopefully more thoughts later. Moce vinaka.

Aieeeee!!!!

Lions won the Grey Cup!!! Lions won the Grey Cup!!! Ok, that's all I wanted to say.

Back to the Islands...

Ok, it was only for about an hour, but it felt like it confirmed that I am going to go back to the Islands one day for more missions. Yay!!! There was a Maori dance group from NZ in town, I had missed the evening performance, so I went to the one at my nephew's school. They did songs form NZ, Tahiti, Hawaii, Samoa (huzzah for the slap dance!!) complete with Island drums. I thought I was gonna cry, it was like going home. I told my sis, "I am on the wrong side of the world." She made a reference to me being home sick, and I said Island sick. She said that's what she meant. She understands it, my parents don't. My mom said (when I had told here the same thing about being on the wrong side of the world), "Well you were there for 5 months, so yeah." They looked at each other and I chose to ignore the look. They didn't get it. I don't think they knew what to say either. Anyways, gotta go, they need the computer, but I wanna go home!!! I wanna go back to the Islands!!!!! I now know I will, in God's time.

Oh whither dee dither...

Ok, nothing to say that really is about anything. Just wanted to put up a new post and I am really tired, so....Where do I go from here? Back to Fiji (where my heart was left)? On to Scotland? I don't belong here anymore, never thought that would happen to me. I was always a good Canadian girl thought I was gonna live here until I died. Now I don't know anymore. I love travelling, but I thought I would stay home. Now Canada doesn't really feel like home, maybe it's just my current location of habitation that feels that way. Lautoka felt like home, like for the first time since I moved out of my childhood home I felt I was home. That was a weird moment. Anyways, gotta sleep...Moce vinaka...

Amusing for me experience thoughts/advice...

Ok, this is just kind of funny. So the experience advice is as follows...If you are going to use songs or love themes from movies, make sure that they are not from doomed love stories. For example, love theme from Star Wars prequels, Moulin Rouge. You do not want to be unintentionally prophetic about where your relationship is heading. It doesn't matter how much you like the music, just leave them out. Looking back I think my choice of music was trying to tell me something. All the music worked and sounded good, but 99% of the music came from very doomed love stories, even if the love songs were great. I think it was a warning sign that I just didn't pick up on. As were the other warning signs that I just didn't see or didn't want to see. Maybe it's just me, I dunno. Just an amusing thought for me this morning, ok afternoon.

My dream the other night...copied again from myspace blog

I had this dream the other night and it started out involving the last things discussed before I went to sleep...

So I don't know where we (can't remember most people in it either) were, but I think it was a church or some such thing. Anyways there was this thing involving a cloud shaped like a space ship and people believed it really was a cloud. However, it wasn't a cloud, because I saw the engines, so it was the other way around. (This is all relevant, really) I was trying to tell people it wasn't real and that none of what they believed was real, but no one would listen. It was kind of like a religion that was being made to look like Christianity. I was telling people that they were being decieved and that it was all wrong, deception and lies. No one would listen. Then someone started talking to me. They grabbed me and it was so quick and subtle, I didn't really notice anything. The only thing I noticed was that for a brief moment the person I was talking to got real hideous and black before he looked normal again. I knew something was wrong with me after that, but I didn't know how it happened. The way it was explained in my dream was that I was caught unaware as I was doing things for God. I was focused on that so I didn't notice when or how it happened and I had a heart transplant. The heart that had been put in was filled with memories of realtionships that I had never had and weren't my own and very lust driven, it was like I was oggling every guy I saw. So I was saying "God, when and how did this happen? This isn't me, these thoughts and false memories aren't me. I can't fight these inclinations and thoughts, I don't know how. Can't you make it stop?"He said, "There is nothing I can do to stop it. It is the heart that has been transplanted into you. It can't come out. You can fight it, it is possible to overcome it, but you have to consciously fight it every moment of every day." Then I said again "How am I supposed to fight this? It is overpowering. How do I fight it?"

And that is when I woke up. Just as the answer was going to be said. It was interesting because the evil got in right when I was surrounded by God and doing things for God (in the dream). It was like I was so distracted that I didn't see it coming and I wondered how it was possible that it could have happened. No, I do not have the lust problem mentioned above, but it got me thinking how quick the devil gets in and you don't even notice it. Then you wonder how it happened. That just really stuck with me for the last few days. I know how to fight those little battles, but I've not really had to fight a big one daily.

That's it for me for now. Moce vinaka.

Wow...(copied from my MySpace blog)

Ok, I went to the store to print off a couple of photos to send to some people in Fiji, like I promised them I would, and I came out with a job prospect. 3 hours later I now have a second job. I got a job in the photo lab that I applied to a few months ago when I was originally job hunting. The manager looked at my file and thought about it before she put up the ad, then I walked in today and she came right over to me and offered it to me. So I went back later and talked to her some more, decided to give it a go. I already told my boss at the video store, who is ok with it and we will try and work out schedules. The best part is I had been thinking about getting a second job and asking God about it and whether I should get one or not. I need to finish paying off my DTS among other things, hence the idea of the second job. Especially if I am to go to other places for other YWAM schools. I think this is a total answer to prayer. So, hopefully it all works out and I can work both jobs and get things paid off in a more timely fashion. That's my big news on the day.

I'm so out of it...

Yeah, I'm a little out of it. I have been feeling kind of sick for the last few days. Long story short, not the flu like I thought it might be. It was sour milk. I couldn't even smell it, and believe me it stank (based on my dad's reaction to smelling the jug). I couldn't even really taste that it was off, until this morning when I took a drink. I still feel icky, but it will be gone by morning. Hahahaaaaa...Whatever. Anyways, must run and finish my video I'm making from some DTS fun/funny pictures. Currently I'm picking out a soundtrack. Bye.

More of what I'm up to, and a little of what i'm learning...

Well, happy day Jenny had come up to visit me, but she has since returned home. Other than that, I have been on IMDB message boards. At first it was creation versus evolution (Beowulf and Grendel and dragons to dinosaurs and eventually evo. vs creat.) now, thanks to Mel Gibson's mistakes, defending Christianity from the jaded hurting movie watchers. Thankfully I always pray before I post that I don't say something stupid or that defeats the purpose of my post. The last post may have come close, it was truth but the love was a little lacking, but mostly all been in love (I hope it came across that way). Like the Jewish guy who ranted about if it had been against Christianity then we would all be boycotting and burning his movies. I corrected him about the movie burning and told him that I didn't blame him for being mad. As well I said I hoped he and his community would heal from this, and I pointed out that I was a Christian. He seemed to have appreciated the understanding that he didn't feel he was getting elsewhere. I just hope God uses this and this guy remembers what I said so he doesn't think all Christians are bad. It's amazing the extent of the Jew bashing and Christian bashing going on as a result of this.

What I have been learning from all this and before...Good question. There was this article I read about people climbing Mt Everest and whether or not this guy had to die up there. Some people left him alone (he had climbed solo) because they were so focused on their own summit push. Sir Edmund Hillary had said that there was no way that it should have happened. That he would have abandoned his climb to help the guy who obviously needed it. That a human life was more important than the summit. I thought how many times does that happen in life, with the figurative mountain. We are so focused on what we are doing and where we are going that we someone in distress and we just ask about it, but don't do anything. Or we don't even notice because we are so focused on our own climb. Or we do a little, but not all that we can or is necessary. Would we abandon our own climb to save a life? Even if they said they were fine, but you could tell they weren't fine at all. All figurative as non of us would be climbing Everest, that I'm aware of. So that was one thing I learned. As well as really sticking up for being a Christian and having good points and proofs not just quoting scripture and saying non fulfilling answers to peoples questions. Need to live it, not just speak it. Ok, gotta go have lunch...

How I'm really doing...

Well, how I'm really doing...I am really feeling the isolation here. The one person at church that I know that is my age is leaving town, for Alberta. So, yeah the rest my age are families who spend all their time with themselves, if I can find them. So the friend count is low to none, that's just the way things go up here. This isn't meant to be a complaint session, it's just the facts of living in this town. I still love my work and I have fun, most days, when I'm there. I am still not liking cold weather, hee hee, so it should be interesting in the winter. I am thinking and praying about going back to Fiji, or even to staff at Island Breeze for the PQDTS, which won't be running this year. I am also thinking about doing the School of Intercessory Prayer at the base in Scotland that I almost went to for DTS. As well as the Basic leadership school which would help my slightly lacking skills in that area. I haven't forgot about my film making school, or the possibility of the photography school. Yeah, so many places to go and things to see, I don't know where to begin, sort of. So how I am really doing up here, yeah...Back to this. I miss the islands and I miss all my friends, I miss the really on fire church. Not that my dad's church is not good, there's just this annoying lack of passion in the congregation. They come dutifully, mingle and leave. It's a tough crowd. The teens are on fire, but there is a definite wall between them and the older people, and we all know how I act my age. So I am in between the teens and the older crowd in more than just age, behaviour as well. Ummm....I wish we had your heat wave, 31 is fine but I'd feel more at home in 37 degrees. Heehee. Yeah, the islands feel like home, even if it is a patriarchal society (Fiji that is) where the woman's place is in the kitchen and you do what the man says, and we all know how I feel about that one. ;) Not saying anything bad about male authority, just when it feels like control. That and my thing about me not fitting into the typical female roles, I'm a tomboy and my place has never been in the kitchen, why do you think I never got trained for the cooking shifts at work, hahahaaaaa... Seriously, me + kitchen=big mess. Off my lack of cooking skills topic now. I have to go to work, hence my not being at church right now. So, up here I am bored, mostly cold (even at 22 degrees), local friendless and passion free churched. By the way, I don't really feel lonely, even if I miss everyone. Sums it up in a nut shell. Like I said, not a complaint session, just the facts. I feel like it's the wilderness, but as someone said, the wilderness is what you go through after you have done well and God is pleased with you, so I just have to keep going on. I do feel at peace and like I'm resting as well, so I guess that's a good thing. I am having financial issues though, so pray that I can get the things I need to get payed off (DTS and Medical are the big ones, I don't qualify for assistance with medical) payed in short order, so I can go on to the next thing. Other prayer requests...Can't think of anything there right now. So love and miss you all. God bless. I have to run now or I will be late for work.

Wahhh...Kitten gone...

Well, she's gone. The kitten has gone to Prince George and I'm a little sad. That's it for here and now.

Ahhh..kittens...

Yes, so I rescued a kitten. Well the short story is that she was abandoned by her owner outside, the owner told me that they didn't want her, and I brought her inside. She hadn't eaten or drank all day, this was Tuesday. We were trying to keep her seperate from the others, but she just loves to get out and run around, so that failed. They mostly don't mind her, but she isn't staying, that we are aware of anyways. Hee hee. No really, she is supposed to go with my dad to Prince George tomorrow as that is where the nearest shelter is and he's going anyways. More details as they come up, including the picture, you know I have to put one up.

Being a girl sucks...not really, but it makes a good title.

My friend Michelle posted a blog about the focus on the outer woman and how she feels about it. This is a response to her blog as I didn't want a huge comment for her on my opinion as well.

Yeah, I agree with the outward thing. Way too much focus on it. I was going to say that it was one thing I liked about Fiji was the lack of that kind of focus there, but then I realized that isn't true. It's just handled differently there. It can be just as bad to worse the attention from guys because of your looks, but the girls seem to not care as much about their looks as North American girls do. I said seem for those who disagree. They don't fuss with makeup and all that crap, partly because it's a luxury that they can't afford. In my opinion, it's way to hot to wear makeup there anyways, it'll just sweat right off. So there is a different focus on the outward appearance there. It's more what your natural assets are that draw attention, not what you add in the makeup department, unless it's the hookers, but that's another sad story for another time.
Away from Fiji now and back home to North America, for the moment. Do we really dislike our natural selves so much that we feel we have to do drastic things to fix something that isn't broken in the first place? Plastic surgery, implants, botox, extreme diets, extreme exercising, wiping away our regular face with makeup to put on a new one with makeup. For the record, not all makeup is a mask for people, some girls use it to enhance, and others use it to hide. That's partly why I hate the phrase "Putting on my face." It makes it seem like they don't like the one they have or that the one they have isn't the one that is real. It comes across like they are putting on their mask to hide behind in public. God made you the way you are and it is good, so get over it already. Does your life really depend on what others think of you? Is your opinion of yourself based on what others think? Aren't there bigger things to worry about than what the fickle self absorbed world that can turn on you in a heartbeat thinks of you? They don't know you, nor do they care to really know you. Looks are fleeting anyways, you're gonna get old and wrinkly no matter what you try to do to stop it, if you try you end up looking like Joan Rivers who looks like a clown that got hit in the face with a frying pan which then flattened her face, or you look like you got caught in a wind tunnel facing into the wind and it blew your skin back, now you have no wrinkles and a permanently pinched look on your face. I mean come on, how far can you really pull your face back until there is nothing left to pull back? Then after that it probably starts to sag again.
Anyways off that rant. I know I could try to "help" the outside, but I also know what would happen if I did try, and I really don't want that. I want the focus to be on the inside, not outside. Yeah, it's not helping me get the guy of my dreams (heehee), but I would rather win him over with my personality than my looks. That and I am just not a girlie person, so some of the things to make the outside look better are not in my normal personality range. Haha to that one. Plus I am too casual of a person, dressing up is wearing nicer pants and a non t-shirt. So it is difficult for me. As I said before, I don't really care, it's about the inside, not out, and I don't like to draw that kind of attention to myself, it usually means trouble is sure to follow-been there and seen it.
All finished my schpiel now, have headache so I must go. Catch you all on the flip side...

character development...

I was listening to Francis Ford Coppola talk about making The Outsiders movie and he said something about having props to help actors develop the character, even if you aren't filming yet, as a prep thing. I think he's right on that, so I wondered if it would help for writing as well. If you have something tangible that helps give a sense of that character, would it make things easier for writing a character? Maybe you could answer that one, Michelle. Hee hee. If you could pretend to be that person you are writing about or just leave pretending for the actors? I am a visual person, so it helps me to see a picture of what the person might look like, or a pet that they might have. You can tell a lot about a person from the things they surround themselves with, so the theory is that if you are surrounded by things an unwritten character might have, that you can see and feel, then wouldn't that make writing about them easier? The story still comes from your imagination, but the story is giving life to a character. It is that characters story that needs to be told. For me, putting on a jacket that one of the characters might wear would help me to tell their story. I live in my head, always making up stuff that never makes it onto paper. I always liked to pretend to be someone else and do things to get reactions, to see how people respond. Mostly I was torn between being myself and pretending to be someone else. Maybe that was just some escapism for me when I was younger. However, I still do things just to get reactions. Heeheeheeheeeee...One incident involved a piece of toast that had dropped onto the cement area we got served our food in Fiji. I might not have done it if I hadn't seen it being washed. I just picked it up and ate it, I got the reaction I wanted from one guy and the other Abbotsford guy (he was on the Samoa DTS team) just commented and wrinkled up his nose a bit (he knew I was doing it for a reaction so he was warned, but the other guy wasn't insert evil laugh here). There are stories in my head, they just need to get out. There are characters in my head that need to get out, before I live them out, I just really suck at developing characters. If my many ramblings area any indication, my writing is just as disorganized and paragraph free. I just have to get it out and then organize it into a coherent form later, which never happens. It stays in it's messy form. Then it never gets finished because I can't pull my thoughts together and I can't find some of my ideas, as they are written down who knows where. Just some thoughts for the evening. I have been stuck in my head all day and night and I haven't been able to leave, not even at work today. I got annoyed when people showed up because it felt like intruding on my thinking time, which I can't really control. When real think time shows up, I just have to let it do it's thing, if life interferes I have to wait who knows how long until next time and by that time the original whatevers aren't there anymore. So much for finishing Dear Frankie tonight. Oh, well. It can be finished tomorrow, it's all about Gerard Butler... ;) Anyways, falling asleep at the wheel here, so moce...

Wow, here's some honesty...

Ok, I'll just get it out. Since I have been home I feel like I have taken a 4 month vacation from God, from everything. My focus has been off and I have had no quiet time with God, my church participation has been lax, and my mind has been elsewhere (aka Fiji). Sure I have been working, but that's really it. I feel like I took steps backwards since I came home. I live in a spiritually dead town and have done nothing to change that, not even at church. I feel like I am the same person, spiritually, as I was when I left to go to NZ, even in some ways before that. I am not making an effort, I just think about where I am going to go next. Some of that may probably be from me and not God. Today is time to turn it around again. Knowing me, it will all be internal turn around. Hopefully the external will follow...

More pictures...hahahaaaa...

After I left my 2 hitch hiking partners at the ferry in Wellington, I went straight to the old Anglican church. It was a Sunday and I wanted to feel less alone (first time in 5 months without my team where I knew that they wouldn't be back) and to remind myself that God was still with me, plus I felt a little guilty about missing church. So I walked into this ordinary looking on the outside church and was completely blown away. I had discovered this tourist spot in a flyer of what to see in Welly. So I walk in and couldn't believe how beautiful it was. It had a peaceful and warm atmosphere to it. It was wooden interior with all stained glass windows and dark red carpet and pew seats.The above pic was with a flash, of the pulpit.The above picture is a small part of the pulpit, I took it with the natural light to keep the atmosphere. Below is one of my favorites of the windows, which were all late 1890's to early 1900's.
I believe that the above window was the angels announcing the birth of Jesus. The next one is I believe Peter's redemption after the resurrection, you can't see the holes in the hands because of the size of the picture, but the writing under the picture says "Lord thou knowest all things thou knowest that I love thee".
Below is the front of the church. The middle window is I believe Jesus on the cross and on either side in their own windows are the 12 disciples, however Judas doesn't have a window, he was replaced by his replacement (if that makes sense).
Below is the angel at the grave after the resurrection . I loved this one too.In contrast to the above church, which I totally felt God's presence in. It was a very humble feeling church, made you feel humble. I now show the Anglican cathedral in Nelson. Very imposing and stands out, across town you can see it, beautiful architecture though. Below is the bell tower.This is the inside. It had a very different feel to it. It felt cold, distant, and imposing. As opposed to the warm, inviting, open feeling in Wellington. Again, it was beautiful.This was the pipe part of the pipe organ, the organ is behind me and up some stairs. As you can see by the blurry head, it was HUGE.

Pictures bahahaaa...

<- HAHAHAAAAA.....The infamous pink skirt with shiny things on it...I bought this one in Fiji and I would have worn it at home except that it was too cold. There, now you all have seen me in a skirt.





A journey finally taken, a grandmother finally met, sort of. My dad's birth mom died at 36 in Nelson NZ and I have wanted to go there my entire life. As you can see, God brought me there and I finally got to come full cicle on that branch of my family.


This is my DTS team at Hairini (our unoffical home as we spent the most time there) at grad. Back row: Drew, me, Tim, Emanuel, Jay, John(aka Jolly). Front row: (same direction as back) Dana, Brittney, Julie, Iris, and Stefanie(aka Sunshine). Our staff is missing from the picture.

I will do more later. Gotta go eat some lunch. Bye.

This is getting tougher...

This always seems to happen to me. As soon as the weather gets nice, I feel like getting out and going somewhere. It is currently hot in Abby, boy I wish I were there. I keep coming back to Fiji, going back there I mean. I really feel like I'm going to go back there, for a while. I am thinking about staffing a DTS based there either Lautoka or Nadi. Maybe even just working at the base there. I really feel the pull back there, not just because of the memories I have there. I realize that it will be totally different as my DTS team will not be there and the people will be different, but it keeps coming back to my mind. I can't make it go away. I may have to do the Basic Leadership School first, I'll have to ask the in charge people. It won't be until at least next year, but I know I will be going back, that may just be where I belong. We'll have to wait and see...

WAHHH!!

WAHHHH!!! No Canadian team bringing the Cup home this year!!! Oh, well. It was cool to read about how the Canadian players on Carolina are excited about bringing the Cup home. I just wish it was a Canadian team. However there are a few players that I am happy for, too many to name. I will however name the one the only Cory Stillman. YAY!!! Yeah, I got a few comments on the Stillman Flames jersey today. Ba ha ha...

Mwahahahahaaaaa....

AIEEEEEEEE!!!!!! GAME 7!!!!!! I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!!!! YAY!! Ok, done now. Go Oilers.

Where will the wandering take me next?

Yes, I am thinking a lot these days about where I will go next. I always come back to Fiji, I left there with a new heart for the people and I left my old one there. I was thinking about staffing a DTS there. I have also been looking into the leadership courses through U of N and the School of Intercessory Prayer in Scotland at the base I originally wanted to do my DTS at before God led me elsewhere. So if you all could pray into that. I need to pay off my old debts and DTS first and then get the money to go. I know God can provide, so could you pray for direction and divine intervention again. I already know I will definitely be doing the School of Digital Film making, but not for a while yet. There are other things to do first. Thanks all. Love ya and miss ya.

Score...

Hee hee hee. I just got back from watching Poseidon (which was a not bad popcorn flick, really) and I got a bonus. The owner of the theatre gave me the movie poster for X-Men 3. I'm all excited. Obviouly not much goes on here if that is the big excitement. Ok, that was another short one. I must go, Gruffudd is meowing like a crazy cat. She just wants my attention. Moce.

Hmmm...

Just checking to see if I can do this once, not 5 times. Hee hee. In case you want to see my others goings on which aren't really anything.

http://blog.myspace.com/hilarious29

I think that's right. Anyhow, must jet. Gotta finish my other project... Eventually I will post pictures from my DTS, just can't do it yet.