Spring Fever...Grrrrr!!!

Spring has to be the most frustrating time of year for me...ok, I have trouble working all summer as well. Back to spring though. My big problem with spring is after being cooped up all winter because I hate the cold/being cold, I need to get out and let loose. With no car and no where I haven't seen a million times in town, I'm getting very restless. Sure, I one would think that the month spent at the Olympics would help, but no. I'm afraid that just made things worse. I could do things there, hang out with people that I actually felt like I had enough in common with. Here, not so much. I love my friends here, but something feels off and I can't put my finger on it. Maybe the travel bug bit hard again. Maybe I'm just missing people I love enough that it bugs me being here where they aren't. Maybe I'm bored again. Maybe a combination of all of the above. I Know I should be focusing on what I can do while here, and the people, but I tend to spend a lot of time solo, which means I'm always in my head and by myself...and when you are there what is there to think about but oneself and those people not with you? I wish...no, better leave that alone. I better sleep, work again tomorrow. Must keep marching on..."There ain't no other step than one foot right in front of the other...we go where we go we're marching on..."

Ah, Movies Again...Or Not

Is this the right colour? I think so. Anyways, movies. I just lost my train of thought on that one. Ok, in general I have lost my train of thought.

Ok, trying again. The problem with being a wanderer is being grounded. No car, can't really go anywhere, not even for a day. I have to move, I have to go. One can only walk around a small town so many times before it becomes too familiar. Then I get bored, then my mind gets bored and starts wander and invent non-existent things and drama where there isn't anything. One of the guys on the ship said I was a wanderer, I was always looking around the room to see who I was going to talk to next or where I was going to go next (for the record I am already planning next year's vacation...and the year after that, etc). I was constantly being told I knew everyone on the ship, and I spent a huge amount of time wandering around said ship and just talking to whoever I could find. I think part of me is looking for that place that feels like home. I'm not there yet, but even if I was there, I'd have to move around and go explore. I'd just fade away if I couldn't.

One other thing I do want to know...why is it that the issue ridden people seem to find me? This is not dramatic, it's fact. Why do they seem to be drawn to me like a moth to a flame? I could name names, but I won't. That wouldn't be fair to them. I mean huge issues, not the tame whatever ones, but real issues that I am not allowed to mention due to confidentiality promises. It's not like there's just one person doing that either. I think I'm still trying to figure myself out. Aren't we supposed to have done that by the time we're 30? Or am I behind by 6 years due to a certain life event/person? Or have I forgotten some that has remained the same, while other things I have found out as I have gone along? I'm still trying to figure out why relative strangers tell me their issues/problems. Am I really that easy to confide in? Hmmm...not something I've thought of really. I was told that I have this intrinsic ability to bring people together. It's something I do without trying. It just happens. So I flit in like a butterfly, bring people together and leave again to find new people to bring together. That's what it feels like at least.

Sometimes I feel like the Doctor, sometimes I relate to the companion more. As for feeling like the Doctor, I wander alone, always find people pretend to be normal for once because it feels good, but always moving on because it's what I do. I haven't been other than that since I lived in Gibsons. That all changed when I moved, never really fitting in, showing up to some stuff meet people interact like friends, leave. Never really getting close to anyone, well except my Abby friends...but then I moved. Still close to them, but so far away. If you watch New Who, see what I mean?

Ok, tired now. I think now that my mind is empty I can finally get to sleep. Maybe I'll regret being so open in a public place...and maybe not. I'll sleep on it and then edit the settings if I feel the need. Sometimes getting it written down somewhere is more helpful than not.

Been so long once more, ha ha ha ha!!!

So I haven't been on here in ages, as is pretty obvious. I must wish I had more to say. Since I went to England, I have moved out of Burns Lake and have volunteered at the Olympics in Vancouver. I will try and write out what it was like later, I have to sleep among other things first, and post pictures. I should try and link this blog to other things, like facebook and even Windows live. Not that I'm sure anyone really reads the ramblings of a tired and bored crazy woman.


Me in Whistler at the Olympic store with the mascots. :) I am dressed in full Smurf gear, aka the volunteer uniform.

Stuff that, I'm back!

Ha ha, I couldn't stay away. So for anyone who actually checks, I was in England for a week. Just got back last night, before that I had absolutely nothing to talk about. Will post here and myspace and facebook (or just link to and fro). I will add links to photos and stuff and tell the story, but later. Too much to do and I need to get off the computer for a minute. Been uploading photos to the computer and I still need to do laundry and unpack. Cheers all.

The road goes ever on...

Well, I am letting this blog go, I hated being forced into the new one. Sooo, since I rarely to never actually post on this one I will not be posting here any longer. I will however keep checking on the house church one.

The other night I had a dream that was very real, in spite of some of the weird things dreams have. I was at "my" beach (the one I grew up at, practically lived there) and house church and DTS people were there as well. It was a send off. Everyone knew where I was going, but Drew made me say it out loud. So I said the School of Intercessory Prayer in Scotland. I felt a huge peace, no questions, no fears. That peace felt real. Then I was taking pictures of the beach realizing that I may not see it again. I asked God if I was ever going to see it again, since it was the place that I was connected to the most. God said, "You will see it again before you die." It was a very audible voice, like the one that told me I'd only be at my old kitchen job for 7 years. That woke me up, then I realized that there is gonna be some things happening, what (after Scotland) I don't know. I'm feeling like Scotland in 2008, so I got time. If you really wanna follow my exploits, this is the blog that I use the most. Ok, all the time.

http://blog.myspace.com/hilarious29


Now I leave you with a bit of Tolkien...

The road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

Hmmmm...

I thought I'd give y'all a couple of more recent pictures of me. Sure it's from our huge dump of snow in October, but that's the most recent ones I've got.

So it's a New Year. It doesn't really feel like it. Feels like every day is the same. Well, things are better at work. Now there's 3 of us at the video store, all of whom are competent. That is a huge relief. Now I don't feel like I have to, or actually have to, do everything that the boss doesn't. It's nice because we all communicate with each other as well, phoning if necessary. It's going swimmingly, plus I'm not there 5 or 6 days of the week, only 3 or 4 now. As for the rest of it, well...Yeah, as I said everyday feels like it's just the same. I get up, I work, I eat, I sleep. I don't belong here, I know that full well and everyday it gets more intense (that feeling). I am fine when I'm working, but even that feels like a filler. It's like I'm waiting for something but I don't know what. I get along with everyone, that's not a problem and people know me from both jobs. I know that the only thing keeping me here right now is the fact that with the 2 jobs, I can have my DTS and other things paid off sooner rather than later as I don't have the bills like I had when I lived alone down south. I know I'm gonna go somewhere else and stay gone for a while, Scotland and the Pacific are still calling my name, it's just a matter of when...I have had these thoughts for many months now. The funny thing was when I worked with the others at the video store, I knew that when I left things would be in good hands. I don't dwell on those thoughts, I try to find other uses for my mind. I think reading A Christmas carol by Dickens kind of got me thinking "What have you done lately? Are you wasting your life like Scrooge?" Not exactly like him though, never that bad (I don't think...).

This all relates to being a Christian...So I was watching Eragon this evening. It occurred to me that we are destined for great things, in different ways of course. He was a farm boy and basically woke up one morning to find out that he had a huge call on his life. To be a leader and defeat evil dudes. He thought he was a nobody, but he was to become great. How many of us feel the same way? Inadequate, unremarkable, ordinary, just a nobody. Who are we to become this great world changing person? We know all our faults, yet we know our strengths as well. How often do we focus on our faults and ignore our strengths? We need to recognize those faults and have people around us to help those areas that are problematic, but we need to recognize and use our strengths as well. I know that I, for one, am well aware of my faults. I have to recognize that they need to be changed and then do so, which I kind of suck at. I have a harder time recognizing my strengths. I know some of them, and I need to use them. God has called us all to go and do things for him. As I sit here on my tooshie at home day in and day out I wonder what I could/should be doing for Him? I don't know how to reach the people in this town, partly because I can't really relate to them. Same with the people at church here. I go occasionally, but I don't know how to relate to them. They are in their box and comfortable there (at least from what I've seen). I'm in my box here and I hate it. I hate not doing what I should be, nor being the person I should be. I don't like not having a group of Christians that I can hang out with. Makes me miss my friends in Abby even more. Again, no one to relate to here so all I think about is myself (and God and my friends), not that it's a good thing. We are called in Christ to great things. Even in the smallest ways, if it's for God then it is great. So what is holding us back? Fear? There's a cure for that- Perfect love casts out fear. Circumstances? Those can be changed, sometimes with difficulty, but they can be changed. The only thing holding us back is ourselves. The fear and the doubt that we let rule our minds. If it is gone, then what is stopping us? Nothing. If God is telling us to do something and we don't out of fear or doubt, then who loses? We do. If it is to talk to someone or do something for God and we don't do it, then God will send someone else to get it done. Once the fear and doubt are gone and the circumstances are left, then God can change those himself, as long as we are willing to do what He asks and willing to let Him change things. Ok, this wasn't gonna turn into a preaching session. These are things I am rediscovering. If this helps someone else then great. Gotta go sleep, it's nearly 12:30 am (woo hoo!). Moce vinaka.

http://blog.myspace.com/hilarious29 -If you wanna check it out, I tend to write there more, but I am putting this one there as well.


Yes, this is Jesus walking on water. A friend of mine from another DTS in NZ has it on his myspace page and I copied it, bad me...

How I spent Christmas...

I guess I didn't really spend it in a very celebratory way. I lay on the couch and watched a few very horrible movies. Partly because we did most of our celebrating the day before, the presents and the service. Partly because my sister's large dog kinda cracked my nose with her head. It hurt lots and so I didn't feel like moving on Christmas Day. We did have a dinner, which I wore my pj's for (best way to be, in warm fuzzy pj's). Yeah, nothing big happened. I did get an awesome present that I totally wanted, Jabba's sail barge Lego set. Woo hoo! Can't go wrong with Star Wars Lego. Yeah, I think I have a bit of a Peter Pan complex, I just don't wanna grow up. No where near as bad as Michael Jackson though. Haha. On that note, I will sign off and say I hope you all had an awesome Christmas and have an awesome New Year. Hopefully I will get to make a trip south in a couple on months for a visit. Moce vinaka.