Oh whither dee dither...

Ok, nothing to say that really is about anything. Just wanted to put up a new post and I am really tired, so....Where do I go from here? Back to Fiji (where my heart was left)? On to Scotland? I don't belong here anymore, never thought that would happen to me. I was always a good Canadian girl thought I was gonna live here until I died. Now I don't know anymore. I love travelling, but I thought I would stay home. Now Canada doesn't really feel like home, maybe it's just my current location of habitation that feels that way. Lautoka felt like home, like for the first time since I moved out of my childhood home I felt I was home. That was a weird moment. Anyways, gotta sleep...Moce vinaka...

Amusing for me experience thoughts/advice...

Ok, this is just kind of funny. So the experience advice is as follows...If you are going to use songs or love themes from movies, make sure that they are not from doomed love stories. For example, love theme from Star Wars prequels, Moulin Rouge. You do not want to be unintentionally prophetic about where your relationship is heading. It doesn't matter how much you like the music, just leave them out. Looking back I think my choice of music was trying to tell me something. All the music worked and sounded good, but 99% of the music came from very doomed love stories, even if the love songs were great. I think it was a warning sign that I just didn't pick up on. As were the other warning signs that I just didn't see or didn't want to see. Maybe it's just me, I dunno. Just an amusing thought for me this morning, ok afternoon.

My dream the other night...copied again from myspace blog

I had this dream the other night and it started out involving the last things discussed before I went to sleep...

So I don't know where we (can't remember most people in it either) were, but I think it was a church or some such thing. Anyways there was this thing involving a cloud shaped like a space ship and people believed it really was a cloud. However, it wasn't a cloud, because I saw the engines, so it was the other way around. (This is all relevant, really) I was trying to tell people it wasn't real and that none of what they believed was real, but no one would listen. It was kind of like a religion that was being made to look like Christianity. I was telling people that they were being decieved and that it was all wrong, deception and lies. No one would listen. Then someone started talking to me. They grabbed me and it was so quick and subtle, I didn't really notice anything. The only thing I noticed was that for a brief moment the person I was talking to got real hideous and black before he looked normal again. I knew something was wrong with me after that, but I didn't know how it happened. The way it was explained in my dream was that I was caught unaware as I was doing things for God. I was focused on that so I didn't notice when or how it happened and I had a heart transplant. The heart that had been put in was filled with memories of realtionships that I had never had and weren't my own and very lust driven, it was like I was oggling every guy I saw. So I was saying "God, when and how did this happen? This isn't me, these thoughts and false memories aren't me. I can't fight these inclinations and thoughts, I don't know how. Can't you make it stop?"He said, "There is nothing I can do to stop it. It is the heart that has been transplanted into you. It can't come out. You can fight it, it is possible to overcome it, but you have to consciously fight it every moment of every day." Then I said again "How am I supposed to fight this? It is overpowering. How do I fight it?"

And that is when I woke up. Just as the answer was going to be said. It was interesting because the evil got in right when I was surrounded by God and doing things for God (in the dream). It was like I was so distracted that I didn't see it coming and I wondered how it was possible that it could have happened. No, I do not have the lust problem mentioned above, but it got me thinking how quick the devil gets in and you don't even notice it. Then you wonder how it happened. That just really stuck with me for the last few days. I know how to fight those little battles, but I've not really had to fight a big one daily.

That's it for me for now. Moce vinaka.

Wow...(copied from my MySpace blog)

Ok, I went to the store to print off a couple of photos to send to some people in Fiji, like I promised them I would, and I came out with a job prospect. 3 hours later I now have a second job. I got a job in the photo lab that I applied to a few months ago when I was originally job hunting. The manager looked at my file and thought about it before she put up the ad, then I walked in today and she came right over to me and offered it to me. So I went back later and talked to her some more, decided to give it a go. I already told my boss at the video store, who is ok with it and we will try and work out schedules. The best part is I had been thinking about getting a second job and asking God about it and whether I should get one or not. I need to finish paying off my DTS among other things, hence the idea of the second job. Especially if I am to go to other places for other YWAM schools. I think this is a total answer to prayer. So, hopefully it all works out and I can work both jobs and get things paid off in a more timely fashion. That's my big news on the day.

I'm so out of it...

Yeah, I'm a little out of it. I have been feeling kind of sick for the last few days. Long story short, not the flu like I thought it might be. It was sour milk. I couldn't even smell it, and believe me it stank (based on my dad's reaction to smelling the jug). I couldn't even really taste that it was off, until this morning when I took a drink. I still feel icky, but it will be gone by morning. Hahahaaaaa...Whatever. Anyways, must run and finish my video I'm making from some DTS fun/funny pictures. Currently I'm picking out a soundtrack. Bye.

More of what I'm up to, and a little of what i'm learning...

Well, happy day Jenny had come up to visit me, but she has since returned home. Other than that, I have been on IMDB message boards. At first it was creation versus evolution (Beowulf and Grendel and dragons to dinosaurs and eventually evo. vs creat.) now, thanks to Mel Gibson's mistakes, defending Christianity from the jaded hurting movie watchers. Thankfully I always pray before I post that I don't say something stupid or that defeats the purpose of my post. The last post may have come close, it was truth but the love was a little lacking, but mostly all been in love (I hope it came across that way). Like the Jewish guy who ranted about if it had been against Christianity then we would all be boycotting and burning his movies. I corrected him about the movie burning and told him that I didn't blame him for being mad. As well I said I hoped he and his community would heal from this, and I pointed out that I was a Christian. He seemed to have appreciated the understanding that he didn't feel he was getting elsewhere. I just hope God uses this and this guy remembers what I said so he doesn't think all Christians are bad. It's amazing the extent of the Jew bashing and Christian bashing going on as a result of this.

What I have been learning from all this and before...Good question. There was this article I read about people climbing Mt Everest and whether or not this guy had to die up there. Some people left him alone (he had climbed solo) because they were so focused on their own summit push. Sir Edmund Hillary had said that there was no way that it should have happened. That he would have abandoned his climb to help the guy who obviously needed it. That a human life was more important than the summit. I thought how many times does that happen in life, with the figurative mountain. We are so focused on what we are doing and where we are going that we someone in distress and we just ask about it, but don't do anything. Or we don't even notice because we are so focused on our own climb. Or we do a little, but not all that we can or is necessary. Would we abandon our own climb to save a life? Even if they said they were fine, but you could tell they weren't fine at all. All figurative as non of us would be climbing Everest, that I'm aware of. So that was one thing I learned. As well as really sticking up for being a Christian and having good points and proofs not just quoting scripture and saying non fulfilling answers to peoples questions. Need to live it, not just speak it. Ok, gotta go have lunch...

How I'm really doing...

Well, how I'm really doing...I am really feeling the isolation here. The one person at church that I know that is my age is leaving town, for Alberta. So, yeah the rest my age are families who spend all their time with themselves, if I can find them. So the friend count is low to none, that's just the way things go up here. This isn't meant to be a complaint session, it's just the facts of living in this town. I still love my work and I have fun, most days, when I'm there. I am still not liking cold weather, hee hee, so it should be interesting in the winter. I am thinking and praying about going back to Fiji, or even to staff at Island Breeze for the PQDTS, which won't be running this year. I am also thinking about doing the School of Intercessory Prayer at the base in Scotland that I almost went to for DTS. As well as the Basic leadership school which would help my slightly lacking skills in that area. I haven't forgot about my film making school, or the possibility of the photography school. Yeah, so many places to go and things to see, I don't know where to begin, sort of. So how I am really doing up here, yeah...Back to this. I miss the islands and I miss all my friends, I miss the really on fire church. Not that my dad's church is not good, there's just this annoying lack of passion in the congregation. They come dutifully, mingle and leave. It's a tough crowd. The teens are on fire, but there is a definite wall between them and the older people, and we all know how I act my age. So I am in between the teens and the older crowd in more than just age, behaviour as well. Ummm....I wish we had your heat wave, 31 is fine but I'd feel more at home in 37 degrees. Heehee. Yeah, the islands feel like home, even if it is a patriarchal society (Fiji that is) where the woman's place is in the kitchen and you do what the man says, and we all know how I feel about that one. ;) Not saying anything bad about male authority, just when it feels like control. That and my thing about me not fitting into the typical female roles, I'm a tomboy and my place has never been in the kitchen, why do you think I never got trained for the cooking shifts at work, hahahaaaaa... Seriously, me + kitchen=big mess. Off my lack of cooking skills topic now. I have to go to work, hence my not being at church right now. So, up here I am bored, mostly cold (even at 22 degrees), local friendless and passion free churched. By the way, I don't really feel lonely, even if I miss everyone. Sums it up in a nut shell. Like I said, not a complaint session, just the facts. I feel like it's the wilderness, but as someone said, the wilderness is what you go through after you have done well and God is pleased with you, so I just have to keep going on. I do feel at peace and like I'm resting as well, so I guess that's a good thing. I am having financial issues though, so pray that I can get the things I need to get payed off (DTS and Medical are the big ones, I don't qualify for assistance with medical) payed in short order, so I can go on to the next thing. Other prayer requests...Can't think of anything there right now. So love and miss you all. God bless. I have to run now or I will be late for work.