We Must Away...

Well my time in NZ is at an end. I'm sitting at the airport waiting to check in for my flight back to Brissie. There is nothing to really talk about as far as what I did goes. I pretty much did nothing, ha ha. I spent the entire time relaxing and hanging out with Iris and whanau. Last night we went into Tauranga and down to the Mount (Mt Maunganui). We went to the beach for a bit. So good. My brain had some time to work on healing itself (it's 4 weeks tomorrow since I got the concussion) with no pressure or anything to think about. There are still some issues from it, nothing that time won't take away though. I do have to go back to the dr since I couldn't before I left Oz. It's just a follow up. I still love NZ, I always will that's for sure. Next time I come visit I will definitely do the things I didn't/couldn't this time. That includes bungee jumping and Hobbiton. Hee hee. It's sad to leave, but stage two of Operation Filmmaker is starting. I also saw a dude here in the airport with a sweet camera set up. He appeared to be filming something, he was with official people and another camera guy. Anyways, no internet at the moment so you all won't see this until I get to Brissie. The no internet thing sucks when you are trying to arrange a pick up on the other side. Oh well, I have means to get back it will just take longer. :) Also playing with rugby kiwi toys in the shop (making it do the haka) is a bit too fun.

Now that I'm back in Brissie and the first notification on my phone was that Pat Quinn (epic awesome ice hockey coach, much loved he was) passed away yesterday or the day before, I feel like talking about him and why I got sad. Back in the day he coached Vancouver's NHL team. By back in the day I mean when I was a rink rat (not a groupie, the difference being I liked hockey itself). So you can imagine I saw a lot of the guy. He had a temper when it came to the game itself but he was always good to us as fans. He took that team far, he had great players to work with at the time as well. The hockey world will never see another like him. RIP to the Mighty Quinn. <3

Who Am I?

That moment when you finally realize you have been seeing yourself wrong for your entire life. It's a big one. Bigger than pretty much all other moments. Granted there are many life changing moments, but the one that alters your perception of yourself so radically in such a way is worthy of its own stand back and ponder and then share time. So I realized that at the Brissie airport yesterday (Nov 18/14). I don't mean just how I see myself in the mirror, although that is part of it, but deeper than that. Breakthroughs are so great, I love them. I don't know how to describe what I actually realized though. I'm hoping that the change will be reflected externally. Ok, again with the head. Grrr...I had good stuff this time but if it bugs me I need to stop what I'm doing. Also no wi-fi so all this shall come through late and all together, ha ha. Good night and good morning.

There Are Many Paths To Tread

So here I sit outside after finally waking up. I forgot to change my watch to New Zealand time so I thought it was 8 am. Yeah it's 11 am. Oops. I already got some kitty cuddles, the sun is hot, but it's cool when it goes behind the clouds. Everything is so green, it's fantastic. Last night when we got here the stars were out. I don't remember the last time I saw that many stars that weren't dimmed by light from houses and street lights. There's a wind blowing right now. Such a change from Brissie weather. I hadn't forgotten what it was like, but I definitely missed it. The flight here was uneventful. My head is moderately ok, I wasn't too sure about the flight and how it would be. Fortunately it wasn't too bad. Ok, this won't get posted until I get back probably. That's fine. :D

I'm Going On An Adventure!

Yay!! Flights have been sorted! I am heading to New Zealand for a week! Thanks to the generous donation of a good friend. <3 I admit to having doubts as time grew short, doesn't everyone? The holding on to God's promises in those times is key to not letting it pull you down. After NZ it's back for the internship (which I still need at least $2000 for). I'm still figuring out the bank issues, I may have just typo'd the number (silly me). Today was a relax day, went up Mt Cootha for a bit. The kookaburra stealing the hoity toity tourists food was really funny. Oh my goodness. I got a great photo on my camera, I'll probably post when I get home. So I will probably be quiet on here until the internship starts as there won't be much to say. So until then: see you later, stay safe, keep me in your prayers please. Love you all.

20 Seconds of Embarrassing Courage

I deliberately saved this title for last (Nov 15/14 at the moment), even though I've had it saved as a draft for the last 3 months. There is a reason for this, obviously. We watched (during orientation week) "We Bought A Zoo". One of Matt Damon's lines was about how amazing things can happen when you give yourself 20 seconds of embarrassing courage. As soon as heard it I wanted to use it. One of our staff (William) used it to say that that is what it took for us to decide to jump on a plane to Australia to do a very intensive 3 month film school. He was right and amazing things have come from it. I directed 4 films, one sucked, one was ok, and two I am very proud of. I got to DP a few, and I loved it. I met some amazing people who I hope will remain lifelong friends and possible co-workers. Well, some of them will be co-workers for 3 months on internship. The most amazing parts are the breakthroughs, and not even just for me. There were plenty of major ones for me, some of which I've chronicled here. Watching the actors and the rest of the crew grow and have breakthroughs was so great. There are no words that can accurately describe the feeling of being there for that. I can't imagine how the staff felt seeing us all grow after mentoring us for the last few months.

So last night was the premiere. All our first films, alphabetically by last name meant mine was first, were shown. The terror of seeing your film on a big screen waiting to see how the audience is going to react. Ok, that was a bit dramatic, but still it was very nerve wracking. The first films actually went over well. The confessionals were pretty entertaining. Our blooper reel wasn't shown, that's fine. It's mostly for us and our memories anyways. In spite of all the chaos and tears and tired crankiness, we had a blast and we don't hate each other or our staff, ha ha. The two guys left today. One will be back in January for another school and one will come back at some point. I think at some point all of us will be back at the base though.

Back to the films. Restored got laughs, which it was supposed to get. I just wasn't sure if people would laugh. It's good because people enjoyed it and it was my first one. Immortal got a good reaction as well, much of that credit goes to my DP on that one. He made it look amazing. The third one, I Don't Know Yet (yes that was the title as someone asked the title during pitching, that was what I said, and it stuck) got exactly the reaction I was hoping for. People gasped, muttered, cringed. Yep, I even heard a few people say that it was so real and felt so real. Mission accomplished. That was the one I had a concussion during the entire process from mid-script process to final final edit. My DP and AD were integral to the process and without them it would not have happened. All in all a 100% successful trip. For Alannah and Sylvia, along this vein, I fell in love, just not with a guy. Ha ha ha. It was films and Australia. So your wish sort of came true, I'm still not back yet though. Don't know when I'll be for sure back, except Feb until internship #2. Yeah, a second internship on a feature film set. Yay! Details TBA.

So now what. Well I'm having tranferring of funds issues, but I intend to change my flight home and book my flight to leave and come back on Monday here. It will happen, I know it will. Like I knew Brent was a boy the minute my sister told me she was pregnant. Some things in life you just know. Internship starts on the 24th and I will be there because that's where God wants me, even if I'm borderline panicking over the time frame. His time, not mine. His ways, not mine. So time to go relax with the girls for the night. Tomorrow hang out with Tish and find a flight out and back.

Whither Then? I Cannot Say

It's the last week of classes. We graduate on Friday. There is so much to do in so little time and it's frustrating to not be able to work on it as often as I can due to my stupid head. I felt ok on the weekend so I pushed myself. We had to finish filming, I had to go through footage (I personally think there are things that need to be in it that I don't have, granted I haven't even been able to finish watching it all yet), I had to start editing, I have to finish the directors report. All this with a concussion and a stubborn streak. It's not a good combination. Today I payed for it. So why am I on here and not working on the report? Simple, no computer to type said report on. I'll be at it all night again. Such is the filmmakers life, you do the job when you have to and if you can't then someone else will do it and you're out of a job. I still don't want to do anything else even though today is a beat something up day. I hate hate hate being held back in any form. I'm trying not to cry. I am not thnking about after school yet, but I need to. In my current state if I think about it I will forget to trust God and start panicking. I feel so crap right now I just want a hole to crawl in and I am not well enough yet physically to spend the energy to change that. So more frustration because I don't want to be that. Not as frustrating as first shooting week, but it's getting close again. So, anyone want to send me some good news? Oh, I did get double coat Tim Tams for my birthday from Tish. :D Saturday I got as close to a beach as possible (still not a real beach) without actually going to a beach. So yeah. Any awesome things? Anyone willing to support a struggling filmmaker who is trying to stay and get more learning and experience? Ok, done whining. I'm just feeling overwhelmed at the moment I think. Thinking would be good. I'd like to be able to put some cohesive thoughts to paper for my report.

It's Just a Measly Handful of Stardust

Yesterday was my first day on set for my final project. My head was still not great and it took a lot out of me physically. I ended up sitting out some close ups that were being shot, which was fine. I needed to rest. It was intense as we filmed the stunt scenes. It was hard to watch, but that was good as it made it realistic. The actors were amazing. My crew was amazing. I need to check the footage still, but it's ok as I spent that time scouring the internet for stuff for my director report.

The head is feeling slightly better, it doesn't hurt as much as it did. I mostly have dizzy spells if I do too much. Also can't think and get confused. At least it doesn't...and I forget. Dang. Umm...I got to properly cuddle a cat and I believe it was caught on the SDF B roll. Including the baby talk. Ha ha ha. That will probably make an appearance in the confessionals somewhere. I love our staff, ha ha. I can't wait to not be a student anymore.

I had more to say, but I forgot. So now I will sleep so I can spend the early hours watching footage and making a rough cut. If I don't get that near finished I won't be able to take a break and watch Interstellar, for director report purposes obviously. Later gators.

In Thy Mercy

Don't ask about the title. It was the first movie quote I thought of and I'm not sure it fits. Ha ha.

So there's relatively good news and relatively bad news as a result of the scan (of which I get to keep the pictures, yes!!!). The good news is it's "only" a concussion, somewhat of a major one though, and muscle spasms. No breaks, fractures, etc. Yay! I just have to not do anything physical or strenuous until the symptoms are gone. I'm good with that. I also get to be on set tomorrow for my film and the important stunt scenes. If I start to feel crap I need to stop and let my AD take over again, she did for filming yesterday since I couldn't go. I'm stoked for it.

Now for the relatively bad news. My spine is a little straighter than it should be in my neck. C6 and C7 specifically are where the problems are. The tube that the spinal cord sits in is narrower than it should be. The straight and narrow issues are from all my years of playing contact sports and the whiplash from a car accident years ago. Probably other things as well that I don't remember. So I am not allowed to play contact sports (no more rugby, you guys should feel lucky) and no more nephew attacks/wrestling/hanging off of me. I also have to avoid any whiplash as much as possible. If I do any of those things it could cause the tube to narrow even more and start pinching the spinal column. The scan also showed up some calcifying on those vertebrae, which means I am beginning to get osteoarthritis there. The good news about that one is that excercise and activity will help slow that process down. It does explain some things that I've been noticing but couldn't explain or pinpoint. So basically the only reason these things were found was because I gave myself a major concussion that required a scan. They were also found relatively early so I can work on preventative things as opposed to down the road when major problems would have occured. I was wondering why this had to happen, well now I know. More life lessons, character building, and physical things I need to look after. Got it.

I've been looking at some of the footage from yesterday's filming session I missed. So far so good. I can't wait to put it together. I have to finish watching it tomorrow morning before we shoot. That means I should head to bed, but I thought I'd update as this is the easiest way to do it. I'm also surprised that when I woke up yesterday I was ok with not going to set. I must have felt rough and I felt peace about it. I can't wait until tomorrow. Goodnight.

Forth, and Fear No Darkness...

Ok, I'm Dutch and we are a stubborn lot. I'm also of the mindset that if you get hurt or sick you give it time then if it doesn't go away you go to a doctor. Well I'll find out tomorrow if I ended up with a concussion. I'm pretty sure I did as I've been dizzy, nauseated, headache, tired, etc. So if the doctor tells me not to film, I sure as heck won't listen but I will try to do what I can to take it relatively easy. Sunnies and a hat to help with the lights and video village so I don't have to look at a small screen. The director of the other final project is also sick with a cold that has been going around. I hope I don't get that as well.

The final project is going to be awesome. I hope that it helps people. I won't be saying much until it's done and possibly online, but I will say it is approved by someone who's been there done that and that makes me confident about it. As well as my cast being able to do the job well. I love it, and I love my cast. I can't wait to actually film it. It will be intense.

Now an update (Nov 3). The doctor said that, yes it is a concussion and I have to get a CT scan on my head and neck. No idea how much that is going to cost. Right now that's the least upsetting thing. Since my priorities are so in order: I can't direct my final project, if it gets greenlit tomorrow before we are supposed to film and we go ahead, until I get the scan done and the results. I'm currently on forced rest at the base while the others are filming the other final project. I am so angry, frustrated, and devestated. This cannot seriously be happening. It's not about the grades or what have you. I am trying not to cry my eyes out right now. I care more about that project than the money for the scan. I don't believe the way things have gone. All the trouble and roadblocks, now this. I'm not out, I'm just momentarily down. Now to go have a good cry.

Ok done that now. Moving on. Onward to how to get this project done and done well.