Reality Bites

Ok, I just wanted to use that title. It has a double meaning and I like that. Reality bites you, and reality sucks. Ha ha. I'm going with the first one, reality bites you. It sneaks up on you, bites you and it hurts. Nothing has happened I've just been pondering again. When you are searching for stories in your head that are fake or memories, a painful moment pop up, things swirl around and randomness reigns. I should either be sleeping or writing my script, but I hit a wall.

So now that it's the next day and I got my script back I am pondering what was said. I don't know why something is not sinking in. I'm not stupid, so it's something else. Is it my broken brain? The detatchment there? The fact that I don't seem to feel emotions inside so I can't connect to and through the characters? This is seriously the hardest part for me and it shouldn't be. Maybe this is why I haven't written anything in so long. I know writing is hard, but I used to have things run around in my brain all the time. Maybe it's the meds. I thought before I was sacrificing my creativity to function like a "normal" person (aka get up, work a "proper" job, have a social life). Today I don't feel like it's worth it. I'd rather have the crazy and be able to create than to functionally be able to do what is asked of me without really grasping the deep down whys. I am frustrated, tired, and ready to freaking cry (and I don't cry). This is the one thing that makes me want to quit, and I like writing. I also won't quit, no worries there. So yeah, maybe reality bites was a good title this time.

On the other hand I have grasped the practicals fairly well. I see it, and I do it. Bam. No problem (minus the awkward unpracticed bits, lol).

Today we went location scouting. It was kind of fun driving around the city. It's also definitely warming up here. Anyways, I need to figure out wtf is wrong asap and do another rewrite tonight.