How I'm really doing...

Well, how I'm really doing...I am really feeling the isolation here. The one person at church that I know that is my age is leaving town, for Alberta. So, yeah the rest my age are families who spend all their time with themselves, if I can find them. So the friend count is low to none, that's just the way things go up here. This isn't meant to be a complaint session, it's just the facts of living in this town. I still love my work and I have fun, most days, when I'm there. I am still not liking cold weather, hee hee, so it should be interesting in the winter. I am thinking and praying about going back to Fiji, or even to staff at Island Breeze for the PQDTS, which won't be running this year. I am also thinking about doing the School of Intercessory Prayer at the base in Scotland that I almost went to for DTS. As well as the Basic leadership school which would help my slightly lacking skills in that area. I haven't forgot about my film making school, or the possibility of the photography school. Yeah, so many places to go and things to see, I don't know where to begin, sort of. So how I am really doing up here, yeah...Back to this. I miss the islands and I miss all my friends, I miss the really on fire church. Not that my dad's church is not good, there's just this annoying lack of passion in the congregation. They come dutifully, mingle and leave. It's a tough crowd. The teens are on fire, but there is a definite wall between them and the older people, and we all know how I act my age. So I am in between the teens and the older crowd in more than just age, behaviour as well. Ummm....I wish we had your heat wave, 31 is fine but I'd feel more at home in 37 degrees. Heehee. Yeah, the islands feel like home, even if it is a patriarchal society (Fiji that is) where the woman's place is in the kitchen and you do what the man says, and we all know how I feel about that one. ;) Not saying anything bad about male authority, just when it feels like control. That and my thing about me not fitting into the typical female roles, I'm a tomboy and my place has never been in the kitchen, why do you think I never got trained for the cooking shifts at work, hahahaaaaa... Seriously, me + kitchen=big mess. Off my lack of cooking skills topic now. I have to go to work, hence my not being at church right now. So, up here I am bored, mostly cold (even at 22 degrees), local friendless and passion free churched. By the way, I don't really feel lonely, even if I miss everyone. Sums it up in a nut shell. Like I said, not a complaint session, just the facts. I feel like it's the wilderness, but as someone said, the wilderness is what you go through after you have done well and God is pleased with you, so I just have to keep going on. I do feel at peace and like I'm resting as well, so I guess that's a good thing. I am having financial issues though, so pray that I can get the things I need to get payed off (DTS and Medical are the big ones, I don't qualify for assistance with medical) payed in short order, so I can go on to the next thing. Other prayer requests...Can't think of anything there right now. So love and miss you all. God bless. I have to run now or I will be late for work.

Wahhh...Kitten gone...

Well, she's gone. The kitten has gone to Prince George and I'm a little sad. That's it for here and now.

Ahhh..kittens...

Yes, so I rescued a kitten. Well the short story is that she was abandoned by her owner outside, the owner told me that they didn't want her, and I brought her inside. She hadn't eaten or drank all day, this was Tuesday. We were trying to keep her seperate from the others, but she just loves to get out and run around, so that failed. They mostly don't mind her, but she isn't staying, that we are aware of anyways. Hee hee. No really, she is supposed to go with my dad to Prince George tomorrow as that is where the nearest shelter is and he's going anyways. More details as they come up, including the picture, you know I have to put one up.

Being a girl sucks...not really, but it makes a good title.

My friend Michelle posted a blog about the focus on the outer woman and how she feels about it. This is a response to her blog as I didn't want a huge comment for her on my opinion as well.

Yeah, I agree with the outward thing. Way too much focus on it. I was going to say that it was one thing I liked about Fiji was the lack of that kind of focus there, but then I realized that isn't true. It's just handled differently there. It can be just as bad to worse the attention from guys because of your looks, but the girls seem to not care as much about their looks as North American girls do. I said seem for those who disagree. They don't fuss with makeup and all that crap, partly because it's a luxury that they can't afford. In my opinion, it's way to hot to wear makeup there anyways, it'll just sweat right off. So there is a different focus on the outward appearance there. It's more what your natural assets are that draw attention, not what you add in the makeup department, unless it's the hookers, but that's another sad story for another time.
Away from Fiji now and back home to North America, for the moment. Do we really dislike our natural selves so much that we feel we have to do drastic things to fix something that isn't broken in the first place? Plastic surgery, implants, botox, extreme diets, extreme exercising, wiping away our regular face with makeup to put on a new one with makeup. For the record, not all makeup is a mask for people, some girls use it to enhance, and others use it to hide. That's partly why I hate the phrase "Putting on my face." It makes it seem like they don't like the one they have or that the one they have isn't the one that is real. It comes across like they are putting on their mask to hide behind in public. God made you the way you are and it is good, so get over it already. Does your life really depend on what others think of you? Is your opinion of yourself based on what others think? Aren't there bigger things to worry about than what the fickle self absorbed world that can turn on you in a heartbeat thinks of you? They don't know you, nor do they care to really know you. Looks are fleeting anyways, you're gonna get old and wrinkly no matter what you try to do to stop it, if you try you end up looking like Joan Rivers who looks like a clown that got hit in the face with a frying pan which then flattened her face, or you look like you got caught in a wind tunnel facing into the wind and it blew your skin back, now you have no wrinkles and a permanently pinched look on your face. I mean come on, how far can you really pull your face back until there is nothing left to pull back? Then after that it probably starts to sag again.
Anyways off that rant. I know I could try to "help" the outside, but I also know what would happen if I did try, and I really don't want that. I want the focus to be on the inside, not outside. Yeah, it's not helping me get the guy of my dreams (heehee), but I would rather win him over with my personality than my looks. That and I am just not a girlie person, so some of the things to make the outside look better are not in my normal personality range. Haha to that one. Plus I am too casual of a person, dressing up is wearing nicer pants and a non t-shirt. So it is difficult for me. As I said before, I don't really care, it's about the inside, not out, and I don't like to draw that kind of attention to myself, it usually means trouble is sure to follow-been there and seen it.
All finished my schpiel now, have headache so I must go. Catch you all on the flip side...

character development...

I was listening to Francis Ford Coppola talk about making The Outsiders movie and he said something about having props to help actors develop the character, even if you aren't filming yet, as a prep thing. I think he's right on that, so I wondered if it would help for writing as well. If you have something tangible that helps give a sense of that character, would it make things easier for writing a character? Maybe you could answer that one, Michelle. Hee hee. If you could pretend to be that person you are writing about or just leave pretending for the actors? I am a visual person, so it helps me to see a picture of what the person might look like, or a pet that they might have. You can tell a lot about a person from the things they surround themselves with, so the theory is that if you are surrounded by things an unwritten character might have, that you can see and feel, then wouldn't that make writing about them easier? The story still comes from your imagination, but the story is giving life to a character. It is that characters story that needs to be told. For me, putting on a jacket that one of the characters might wear would help me to tell their story. I live in my head, always making up stuff that never makes it onto paper. I always liked to pretend to be someone else and do things to get reactions, to see how people respond. Mostly I was torn between being myself and pretending to be someone else. Maybe that was just some escapism for me when I was younger. However, I still do things just to get reactions. Heeheeheeheeeee...One incident involved a piece of toast that had dropped onto the cement area we got served our food in Fiji. I might not have done it if I hadn't seen it being washed. I just picked it up and ate it, I got the reaction I wanted from one guy and the other Abbotsford guy (he was on the Samoa DTS team) just commented and wrinkled up his nose a bit (he knew I was doing it for a reaction so he was warned, but the other guy wasn't insert evil laugh here). There are stories in my head, they just need to get out. There are characters in my head that need to get out, before I live them out, I just really suck at developing characters. If my many ramblings area any indication, my writing is just as disorganized and paragraph free. I just have to get it out and then organize it into a coherent form later, which never happens. It stays in it's messy form. Then it never gets finished because I can't pull my thoughts together and I can't find some of my ideas, as they are written down who knows where. Just some thoughts for the evening. I have been stuck in my head all day and night and I haven't been able to leave, not even at work today. I got annoyed when people showed up because it felt like intruding on my thinking time, which I can't really control. When real think time shows up, I just have to let it do it's thing, if life interferes I have to wait who knows how long until next time and by that time the original whatevers aren't there anymore. So much for finishing Dear Frankie tonight. Oh, well. It can be finished tomorrow, it's all about Gerard Butler... ;) Anyways, falling asleep at the wheel here, so moce...